sad news and some thoughts...

[natatbeach]

After a very painful and aggressive attack on her body by cancer--- my mom passed away two days ago. She was experiencing difficulties from a "mass" near one of her kidneys....
6 weeks followed and they finally diagnosed it as pancreatic cancer and three weeks later she passed. It has been a whirlwind of emotions for my family...

I went to care for her two weeks ago not knowing that I was going home to watch my mother die. It was healing to watch the progression of her life come to an end and often wished I could have taken pictures...

My sister was opposed because she felt that we should rememebr my mom as she was.
I guess that leads me to the question of whether it's reasonable for me to feel---that we document the joyful things and we documents moments in time but we leave so much of the non fluffy bad times out...

I didn't take pics to respect my sisters wishes but I still regret it---I really would have liked to have a complete documentation of my mom's life...the highs to the lows.

There was one day in particular that I have embedded in my mind...the sun was rising and the sky was a wash of reds and oranges with hints of purples and blues....you could barely make out the tops of the trees and see the expanse of land ahead all washed in warm tones....I cranked my mom's bed up so it was up above the sight line of the window(so picture a bed at about head height---she laughed really softly and told me I was nuts in spanish) I didi it so she could see...as the sun rose the room was completely engulfed in this orange/pinkish glow and as it rose into the sky the finest line of light outlined my mother's profile perfectly. Even though her features were gaunt and she looked nothing like the woman I knew...she was so beautiful and the image was so breathtaking that I remember it was one of the few moments that I was really at peace with everything that was happening. It was like watching a new day rising on the chapter of an old life.

How do you guys feel about photographying tragedy and loss....as it happens and unfolds. I know journalists are paid to do this ---but us "common folk" live under a different set of ethics---i feel it's almost considered taboo and inappropriate...what's your take....

this is my favorite picture of my mom...I hand tinted(computer aided) it so we can have it enlarged to canvas for the service.....

Thnaks for listening...if this is better suited for the off topic please move it along---I posted it here because of the second part of the topic....take care. live for today and live it well.

hugs to all of you
natalie