Hi all, I'm here, but in a funk

[opus]

Hey guys, I had a F A N T A S T I C time in London, but since I've been home I've been in a severe funk. I haven't even pulled the camera out of its bag since I got home.

I feel like I have no interest in photography at the moment. I'm facing some realizations that I'm not where I want to be in life, yet I feel stuck here. Ugh. Add to that, I've been sick for a week.

I truly hope to shake this funk and get back to posting here. I do have some things to post, when I get back to it.

I'd appreciate if you'd share some of the times when you've felt like you were stuck and stagnant without choices, and what you've done about it.

Love,
Kelly

[natatbeach]

will get back to you...life prevails

but i can totally relate.

[adina]

Welcome back!

Numerous times I've felt stuck or stagnent. I just take a break, find something new and interesting to do for a bit. It helps that I have two small kids and a house that needs work. For me, it's not the end of the world if I take a break, I know I'll pick it back up shortly, if for no other reason than to feel like I didn't waste my money

We've been sick here on and off all month. As soon as one if feeling better, someone else gets it. Not fun at all.

As far as not being where you want to be, do you know where you want to be? The only thing I know is where I don't want to be. Which is 40 years old and have done nothing but raise kids for the past 20 or so years. Which is where photography comes in. It's something that is just for me. So if I have a funk, I just wait for it to pass.

Good luck

adina

[another view]

and what you've done about it

Force yourself. That's what I've done, and it seems to happen this time of year especially. I go to Wisconsin's travel website (being that I'm close and you're there ;) ) and look for an event. Then I just go and shoot. The first few shots (or maybe more) are probably not worth keeping and that can frustrate me, but it's just part of warming up. Eventually you'll see something interesting that's worth spending some time with. Keep going and you'll come home with some nice shots.

Photography isn't my whole life, but it's a good creative outlet and helps me "snap out of it". It seems to happen to me after coming back from a great trip; leading the life you want to lead vs. leading the life that pays for it, etc...

Glad to hear you had a great time in London. I'd love to go back having been there only once about 12 years ago. Hang in there!

[megan]

Yeah, getting home from a wonderful trip and the dead of winter will do that to you. The good thing about it is that it inspires you in a new direction, although it doesn't *feel* good for awhile.

What have I done to get out of funks?
- early 90's - I started running. Ended up, a few years later, running the New York marathon. Twice.
- 1998 - my photography was stagnant, dead. Bought a Holga and found new life.
- 1999 - Bought "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. I *highly* recommend it. If you pick it up, pick up a spiral notebook at the same time, save yourself a trip. You'll see why if/when you start it.
- 2000 - I took a boxing class at the gym. Ended up at Gleason's and Golden Gloves a few years later. (Got knocked out in the semi-finals.)

It's okay to feel you're not where you want to be/not doing what you want to do. It's NOT okay to stay there and not do anything about it. You know?

Also, it IS winter.... maybe you've got Seasonal Affective Disorder? Maybe visit your doc and get a prescription for one of those lamps. I hear they work wonders.

Megan

[Trevor Ash]

Hi Kelly!

I just recently was in what you're in. But you probably already know what I did. I quit making excuses for myself and accepted that I'm in control of my life, not others. I also had to recently accept that I can't have everything I want and that there are tradeoffs.

Just make an effort to be honest with yourself. Determine what it is you truly want and what you'd have to give up to have it. Then make a decision. If it affects family and loved ones talk to them first before doing anything major.

I resigned from my company and moved from Califonia to Illinois to start a new life. I have family to support me right now which is why I was able to do it. For me, I lost a good friend along the way (Merit). We're still friends but it will probably never be the same. I also lost about $70,000 a year in salary . I gave it up because I wasn't happy and I'd come home frustrated and miserable everyday.

This Tuesday at 1PM I have a final job interview with the president and a few engineers of a small company. It has a lot of potential. Job hunting has been slow but it's been better than I had anticipated.

I've taken control of my life and have accepted the things I gave up for that control. I look at is as taking one step backward in order to take two steps forward.

What's especially cool about all of this (short of the sense of power over your own destiny) is that I feel very good about myself for doing everything I've done. It hasn't been easy but it's one of those turning points in my life that I'll look back to and hopefully think "I wish I'd done it sooner".

Good luck Kelly. I hope this message can inspire your funkness Even if it's more extreme that you are feeling.

[Liz]

Hi Kelly,

I'm sorry to hear you're in a funk. Like everyone said, most of us - all of us - can relate to that horrible feeling. But, it's good to have friends to share it with - we're all here for you and support you - and certainly want to encourage you.

Personally, I've been feeling a little under the weather myself - presently that consists of being under about 12" of dirty snow . My reason is the fact that I haven't had a real vacation or retreat for about 4 years. The good news is I'm planning on going away for a week at the end of this week. Right now I'm trying to scrape up enough energy to catch up on work that I missed the past week sick with Bronchitis. And finish planning, packing - and the rest. Being tired is one big reason I'm not motivated at the moment. This kind of tired calls for more than a good night's sleep!

Lately I've heard a lot of people sharing experiences similar to yours. January/February are probably the toughest months of the year. For some there is a big letdown after the holidays - for others, it's just plain cabin fever because of the weather, etc.

At any rate, I agree with everyone else about finding a distraction. For me, being with my friends is an immense help. I couldn't do it without them! I try to spend more time with them and do fun things which isn't always easy with everyone's schedule. Getting out of the house and taking pictures helps me.

I only got to the point where I didn't care to take out my camera one time. That was a month after 9/11 when I had the experience of viewing Ground Zero myself upfront and personal. I left there that day depressed and didn't care about much at all for quite a while. I also came here asking for help. Charles Hess suggested that I take out my camera and try shooting something I never tried before. It took a while, but I got very interested in street photography eventually - and that's about all I do now.

I hope I'm not rambling - I will say some prayers for you.

Liz

[mattp]

Sounds like a case of post travel blues - you get a sense of a whole world of stuff going on out there without you, lots of it looking strange and exciting, then you get back home and your life feels mundane and ordinary, you start to question the decisions that got you where you are, and somehow all the good stuff seems to be passing you by. I've certainly felt liike that myself, and with a lot of friends who like to travel, I've seen many of them come back and wonder what in the world to do with themselves as well.

The only advice I can give is to remember that you are the one in control of your life. Remind yourself that you don't have to feel swept along by the current, if you really want to you have the power to strike out and swim in a new direction. Its also worth bearing in mind that to most of the planet, the world you live in would look strange and exciting - and it can be an interesting experiment to try and look at everything around you with that same feeling. Travelling is more a state of mind than an accident of geography. Its easy to feel that the world is fresh when everything around you is unknown, but the real trick is to regain that feeling with your everyday life. Photography can be good for that as it is a perfect way of trying to see the world with fresh eyes.

Personally I've just come through a really rotten year, losing my job and having a nightmare trying to find another one. Living in London, that same city which just seemed great to you felt pretty awful to me. Now things have picked up, I finally got a new job and I'm experiencing this strange feeling of actually enjoying going to work rather than waking up in dread of it, something I didn't imagine was possible. I've found I'm listening to music again, and realised with a shock that I hadn't been doing that for months. The world has started to look like a better place again, and for the first time I can remember in ages I'm feeling cautiously optimistic about the future.

Hang on in there, I've got every confidence you'll come out of this.

best wishes, matt

[opus]

Thanks everyone for your wonderful words! You're all the BEST! And wise, too.

Please don't think I'm bi-polar or anything (because I don't think I am), but my mood turned around 180° on Monday when I went back to school for the spring semester. I dunno, I walked up the hill to the school and suddenly felt reconnected to a bigger part of life again. I popped in on my theatre professor to say hi for a few minutes, and my mood bubbled even more. The school was bright and sunny, filled with people and knowledge and new potential. I'm telling you, I was seriously tapping into the energy there.

The other, major, most important reason my mood turned around, I think, is because I'm finally (after too many years away) back in the art studio. It's been so long, that I forgot how much creating tactile art recharges my soul. So I'm taking a sculpture class, and it's going to be SO great! On Wednesday we made snow sculptures in the courtyard, and I came away from that class feeling euphoric from the cold, hard work and satisfaction of accomplishment. What I intended to create actually came to be. The process fed my starving soul.

Back to Monday. After the 3-hour art class, after dinner, then I got to SING in my chorus. I tell you, all the breathing you've got to do when you sing for two hours can't help but lift anyone out of their doldrums. And this year I'll have a solo part. Woo-hoo!!

So yes, all the advice given above is totally true, especially what Matt said about post-travel blues and sensing the bigger world arond us, hit the nail right on the head. But I also think that as artists we can't forget that which brings life to us: the hard work of creating and expressing. I sometimes look for it to be easy. It shouldn't be so easy. But it should be attainable with a good, vigorous stretch of our talents.

Sorry for the poetic waxing. I'm just so happy that creativity and inspiration are still surrounding me. I thought for awhile there that I had lost it.

[natatbeach]

sorry it took so long. the kids are still asleep and i have a moment of quietness.

Just wanted to say that as artist (regardless of the medium-pen,brush,camera or whatever) thatlife unfortunately previals. It's that crazy balance between family and personal life and ambition and personal goals. In rare cases you can have both and in some cases(like a lot of stay at home moms I know) the sheer sense of accomplishment of being a stay at home mom and a good wife seems to make them feel accomplished and fulfilled....I am NOT one of those gals.

For a few months I have been struggling with the realiztion that until my sweeties are quite a bit older...pursuing this photo thing for a living is going to be a very long and winding road.Have I felt that being a photographer fulltime would be a lot more satisfying--heck ya.I wilt when I can't create. But it took a few weeks after a few days of my hubby giving me some days off (and some funky new hair color )

I realized that there really is a season for everything. This season happens to be motherhood. So I figure to be successful in anything I have to do--- the jobs laid out before me have to be done 110% my children aren't a disruption in my plan they are the character building molds that will ultimately decide how I handle myself as a human being.

Motherhood makes me feel joy, a lot of insecurity, it adds humor in my life, it frustrates me and it satisfies me all in one giant breathe....so right now I just relish the small victories and stepping stones like a booked wedding a new piece of equipment,etc

When I read about the struggles like people like you who are balancing so many facets including motherhood,school, creativity and doing it well (despite normal feelings an struggles) I really am in awe because I wasn't built that way. You do an amazing job and you pursue so many of your goals and that's truly comendable and inspiring to me. it gives me hope that in the future it truly is possible. So thank you miss Kellybean for sharing your struggles and really a putting a bit of hope out there for me.

i read(when I had time to read) once a book of persian stories and fables...one of the stories reminded me a lot of the story of JOB in the bible---bottom line...the last line of the story and the jist of it all was one line--- THIS too shall pass

it really holds true. regardless of circumstances ---- I always remind myself that moments are fleeting and that regardless of how unbearable/how wonderful ---they shall pass. hugs to you missy

(shhhhh ---I live vicariously through you and all the fab things you do that I wish I could do so don't you dare stop posting and photogrpahing all of it)
;)

[coachgns]

HI!
I am mainly a Lurker here, but this thread caught my eye.
Last weekend I was sitting on a beach in sunny Fla while the NE was getting pounded with snow (The "natives" were freezing in the 60's - 70's), and this week I returned to the Frigid Nroth, and I sure do know that feeling Kellp expressed. On my first day back to work I learned that my closest pal at work was laid off after 30 years. the next day, my next closest was laid off after 20.
And my Final divorce papers are supposed to arrive today.
Talk about a funk.
So I got out of it by throwing myself into learning Photoshop. Sure does make me forget everything else. I do wonder however just how many monitors I will break from throwing things at them while trying to climb that steep learning curve! :-)


GO EAGLES!

[Todd Patten]

Do what I do. Take Paxil CR

Every year, during winter, I get restless and bored and introspective. I don't think it's a bad thing. I think it helps move us forward. Evaluate. Plan. Sometimes I wonder if I lived someplace warmer it would be different, but since I don't, I deal with it!

Now, regarding the photography thing. I completely disagree about the "forcing yourself" approach. Personally I think if you are not "into" it right now, put the camera down and find something else, at least temorarily, to get the juices flowing. I never want to feel as if I am forcing myself to enjoy a hobby/profession.

But, then again, I rarely follow my own advice!

Good luck. It looks like you've already started to pull away from that temporary funk.