Thanks a lot for the comments, everyone. I posted here instead of in the critique section because, even though it's definitely not finished, I'm not sure I feel like working on it anymore. So I thought I'd just put it up here for kicks.
Frog - I hope you were able to have pleasant dreams afterall. lol The title... eh. Pertinent in lots of different ways. The turn of phrase is from a play.
realart - I never thought of that, but you're right!
Tom - haha, neither submerged nor floating. Just standing in the dark (a little-known variation of "sitting in the dark," second cousin to "whistling in the...")
Roger - sounds cool. Good luck retaining your sanity. I must have come up with a dictionary's worth of new four-letter words while working on this. Far beyond my ability and patience.