Your original posted picture is very interesting, and I like the subject. It would be grat if you coud crop a litte of the left side and extend the sky at the right, as it seem natural for our eyes to move from left to right. And beause the subject are closed to the edge of the frame, I looks "compressed", as less harmonical.

One more tip: if your birds are flying to from left to right, they are "returning", and it induces safety. If they fly to the opposite direction, it gives a sence uncertanty to the subject. All that I got it from my drama theory classes at school, and serves photography very well!