I took my friends Canon EOS 30D out this afternoon with a buddy and shot this..

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v419/THEFLOWER/bulletspscopy.jpg

Jason,
Was the vignetting intentional? I think it adds to the shot, either way. The busted window kind of leads my eye away from your buddy's face though, and maybe a different spot would have eliminated that. Of course, you may have had a reason to place him there, so I'm just stating my feelings on it.
John

Yeah, there is a lot of distractions in the background. I personally like the broken window, but perhaps if it were placed a little farther left it would have been better. The horizontal lines/bars seem a bit distracting. The vignetting is a bit odd - it has to be on purpose, yeah?

Given you have what you have, I would crop off the space to the right of his head,leaving just him and the cracked window etc. That would force attention back to him

GB