Jimmy - I do think the flash is a tad harsh. Perhaps getting this close to someone calls for the old "handkerchief over the flash" effect to soften it up a little.

I do like his expression, but there's several other aspects that prevent it from really working. There is significant contrast due to the black towel/sheet next to fair skin. The shadow is slightly unflattering. And there is really the lack of eye contact or any real definition in the eyes. Not that someone has to always be looking at the lens, but defined sharp eyes is what really makes a portrait.

Hope this helps - GB