Cornered

[gahspidy]

Some location testing with a friend.

Yay, nay or what the hay?!

All comments and suggestions welcome, thanks.

[Greg McCary]

I think it is very well crafted. This one certainly has your touch. You might could drop the opacity of the smoke slightly, mostly right and center, but not much to pick about. You, Dray, Jetrim and Phil always amaze me with your creative styles. All different but always awesome.

[jetrim]

Very illustrative look to this one, overall I like it. Couple nitpicks with the pose, but that's a personal style thing (I usually try not to have body parts extending out toward the camera as the perspective tends to enlarge them exponentially - far knee looks great, close knee appears about the same size as her whole face)

[gahspidy]

Thanks for the input on this Greg and Jim.
Greg, I had actually thought the smoke was perhaps too subtle but now that you point it out it probably is too much in those places. I can easily work that. Thanks
Jim, see what your saying bout the knee. Maybe Ii'll have a go of it in reducing the size with a bit of liquify. Thanks for your time

[armando_m]

abandoned shop ?

really like the shadows on her chest and face

also find the smoke a bit obtrusive

the machinery looks very interesting , almost cartoonish

[shootme]

Wow, this is impressive. Before looking at the other comments I guess the thing that strikes me most is the fog/mist in the foreground, maybe a tad too much, looks too artificial and cuts the contrast in the shot. Great background, the headgear works well with colour in the art on the wall.

[gahspidy]

Thanks all for your help on this. Agreed, that smoke is too much and/or I think its not tinted enough to blend with the temperature of the scene.

Here is an edit. Any better?

[shootme]

Sorry to say, but I think I still prefer the original, but the edit helped me define better my issue with the smoke / mist. I think there is too much of it across the frame. If you were to remove all together some of the mist to the right of the frame from here arm which goea to the floor across (keeping however the mist below the hand of this arm across the floor below her left foot (right of screen), then it might provide better distinction. As if the smoke was coming from a whole in the ground in front of her knee but out of site of the shot (if you know what I mean).

[Anbesol]

I agree with shootme. The issue with the smoke, I think, is its believability. However, as the first image indicates, the smoke does add an interesting element to the scene, with a pleasant variety of tone and detail. The mist/smoke looks more like haze than it does real mist or smoke though, and thats the only criticism I could think of.

The second one seems to still have a tiny bit of that mist/haze stuff. If it is to get removed, it should be completely removed. Or, if there, believable.

A nitpick though, this really is an outstanding piece of work that you clearly put a lot talented technique into. Bordering surreal and photographic in a very visually pleasing way. The hair and posture was an excellent touch. Really great work, thanks for sharing.

[GB1]

Gary - Nice shot ....... I prefer the edit! I think she separates from the background quite well. I would trim off just a little from the left side; otherwise I love the composition. I also want it to be sharper.

Very nice pose, and I really like how the model is looking past you instead of at the camera, which creates even more mystery.

G

[gahspidy]

Armando, yes it is an abandoned shop facility that was used by the military in Fort Tilden.

Peter, Charlie and GB thanks much for your detailed analysis of this. Yep, looking at the original the haze/smoke was too much. Charlie i agree if its too little then it might as well be gone altogether.
I'm hoping this next edit is somewhere right in between also taking GB crop sugestion a bit and Petes idea of the smoke coming up more underneath subject and less across entire frame.
I'm thinking this is better?

[shootme]

This last edit I like, the model pops more in the shot. Brilliant work Gary.

[Overbeyond]

I think the original is fine.
I like the "Cornered" concept and indeed she has the body language of the caged animal, if you like.
The old workbench/machine she has ended up on looks a bit unreal; has this portion of the image received special treatments. I would like it to be stronger and more "real" in the picture with, perhaps, a little workbench soil/grease, without overdoing it, appearing on the models legs. I think this would bring out the "cornered" (assumably after some imaginary struggle) aspect more strongly.
Very unusual and her head dress is wonderful with the grafitti behind it.

[PhilF]

Very urban. It really shows your style. The treatment you do on the background. It's cool.
IMHO... personal taste... the fog/mist is a bit distracting. If I really need it there, I won't show it like blending on the model... it would be like on the sides and parts of the image.

The hair work is really cool. BUT if you look (for me) at the whole image..it pops out... it looks too real. The entire image has that almost illustrative treatment.... it's not to illustrative enough and doesn't match the entire image.

but overall it's great work, Gary .

[draymorton]

Was this an HDR, perchance?

I love the concept and the result. The knee never bothered me; that kind of wide-angle edginess suits the subject and the location.

I prefer the second edit smokewise, but third for the blacks and the way she pops. And I agree with Phil about the hair work. It looks sharper and more real than the rest of the image, which has a comic book quality. I say instead of making the hair/headgear more illustrated, make everything else slightly less so. If the image were mine, that's what I'd do.

Great work overall.

[gahspidy]

Thanks, Tom, Phil, Seth, this thread has been very helpful. Actually one image, non HDR but yes the processing apparently has gone way into the cartoonish tonemapped way that i had not seen until looking back at these edits and reading everyones analysis.

OK, I went completely back to scratch, and while I do want to keep the cinematic aesthetic to it I have tried to reduce that over the top tonemapped look. (how did i not see this before lol)
I do like this latest edit better and hope I'm heading in the right direction here.

[Overbeyond]

I agree gary. This latest version is the best, by far, for me to.

[Greg McCary]

Gary I like the last edit the most. The problem I had with the smoke on the previous edits was the area right center that was round shaped, flare looking. Here the smoke appears to be climbing an unseen wall and to me looks more natural.

[gahspidy]

Thanks much everyone for helping me see through my own smoke screen and bring about a better image....

[draymorton]

Much better!

[PhilF]

Much better!

I second that.