Dear Abby:
>
> I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed as a
> carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia and
> one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite.
>
> My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling
> marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters who are
> prostitutes in Jersey City.
>
> I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence
> in Attica for murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is
> cu rrently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of
> neglecting his three children.
>
> I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who
> lives in the Bronx and, indeed, is still a part-time "working girl" in a
> brothel. Her time there is limited, however, as we hope to open our own
> brothel with her as the working manager. I am hoping my two sisters would
> be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to
> prostitute themselves, it would get them off the street, and, hopefully,
> the heroin.
>
> My problem is this: I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her
> into the family, and of course, I want to be totally honest with her.
>
> Should I tell her about my cousin who voted for Bush?
>
> Signed,
>
> Worried About My Reputation E]